Commitment 04:
Candor
Leaders and teams have found that seeing reality clearly is essential to being successful. In order to see reality clearly, they need everyone to be truthful and not lie about or withhold information.
Candor is the revealing of all thoughts, feelings and sensations in an open, honest and aware way. Withholding is refraining from revealing everything to all relevant parties.
From Above the Line
By Me:
I commit to saying what is true for me. I commit to being a person to whom others can express themselves with candor.
From below the Line
To Me:
I commit to withholding my truth (facts, feelings, things I imagine) and speaking in a way that allows me to try to manipulate an outcome. I commit to not listening to the other person.
Practice It:
A key to the masterful practice of candor is learning to speak unarguably. Here’s how: notice any physical sensations that arise in the body, notice any emotions you might have, notice stories you are telling yourself.
Practice completing these types of sentences throughout your day. Begin by simply saying them to yourself and then you can practice saying them out loud to others who are committed to practicing candor:
Sensations:
I notice… [report a sensory experience in or on the body]
- Tingling in my right arm.
- Pressure in my shoulder.
- A pinching sensation in the front of my forehead.
- Heat rising up the center of my chest.
I’m having the thought that…
- We could do a better job with our recruiting effort.
- You're not giving us your full attention.
- The game should have turned out differently.
- My daughter doesn't respect me.
I feel… [sad, angry, scared, joyful, or sexual]
The key to this practice is to answer only with feeling words. We recommend using the big five feelings listed above. Refer to Commitment #3, if you want more information on feelings.
