Are you willing to end blame and criticism? Are you willing to let go of drama in your life? If your answer is YES, you’re beginning the journey into Commitment #1 of the 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership.
To support you on this journey, we recommend radical responsibility. Taking radical responsibility is going deeper. Here’s what it looks like:
1. Acknowledge that you create all of your life experiences. No one and nothing is doing anything to you. Stop looking outside of yourself to people, circumstances and conditions and thinking they are happening to you. Unconscious leaders look at their boss’s lack of feedback and appreciation and believe that the issue is their boss. Conscious leaders take their attention off their boss and put it on themselves. This is a choice. Where are you placing your attention?
2. Choose to see that your deepest intentions (we call them unconscious commitments) are seen not in what you say, but in the results that show up. If your boss is not giving you constructive, useful feedback and mentoring, and isn’t fully appreciating you, these are the results. Regardless of what you say you want (e.g. feedback and appreciation), you’re unconsciously committed to getting the results you’re getting.
3. Stop resisting and get curious. Your unconscious commitment (the actual result) is perfect for your next developmental step in becoming a conscious leader. No one is doing anything wrong, either you or your boss. Everything is here for your deepest learning.
4. Answer two powerful questions from a place of curiosity and wonder. #1: “How do I create and perpetuate this situation? ” #2: “What do I get from creating and perpetuating this situation?”
Question #1: Imagine you’ve been asked to teach a class called, “How to get your boss to not give you feedback or appreciation.” Since these are the results you’re getting, you’re an expert, I promise. Have fun with this: create a PowerPoint presentation on how to create a boss who acts this way. Typical points might include: Don’t ask your boss for feedback. Think that all feedback must be verbal and labeled as “feedback.” Get defensive when your boss gives you feedback. When you answer question #2, you’ll realize that you’re not crazy or a masochist. You’re creating this situation you’re getting payoffs from having it be this way. Discover what they are. Own what you’re getting.
5. If you’re willing to shift your unconscious commitment, simply do the opposite of what you listed in your PowerPoint presentation. You just wrote your own prescription. Follow it.
To support you to radically own your hidden commitment we created this animation. We recommend that you watch it regularly over the next few weeks. We also encourage you to use this handout to help you more thoroughly explore your unconscious commitments.