Stressed by Your Own Stories? Seeing the Facts Is the Way Out

Email subject line: “SOS. Available for a session this week?

‍Intrigued, I replied to my client and scheduled a time to meet.

The moment our Zoom audios connect, he shares:  “I was laid off Monday. I’ve been spiraling miles Below the Line all week since it happened.”

I notice warmth around my heart and tightness in my throat. 

As we explore, I hear him say things like: 

• My CEO should have saved me.
• I must have sucked at my job since he didn’t save me. If I were good, he wouldn’t have let me go.
• No one will hire me after this.
• I’m a failure.
• And everyone will see me for the failure I am when they find out.

I ask if he’s willing to pause, take a breath, and acknowledge what emotions are flowing through his system. 

His body stiffens. “Fear,” he says as his hand goes immediately to his chest. He notices that his upper body feels extremely tight and that taking a deep breath is hard. 

“Of course, I’m scared right now,” he says. He takes a deep breath in. Eventually, his body softens, and he stands up. He gives his whole body a shake, then releases an audible sigh. 

As he stands there, post-sigh, my story is that he looks visibly lighter and his energy feels different—softer. 

He sits back down, and I declare, “This is great!” His brows and forehead crease as he looks at me. 

“It sounds like you’ve identified the stories you’re telling yourself about this situation. So let’s shift now to look at the facts.” I remind him that facts are unarguable; facts are anything a video camera would record. 

He takes a long pause, then names the following facts:

• I was laid off on Monday
• 80% of my division was also laid off on Monday
• 3 other areas of the business had layoffs on Monday
• 2 other VPs were laid off on Monday
• My CEO wrote an email stating the company’s pivot in strategy
• My CEO proactively offered to be a reference  
• My performance rating in April was “Exceeds Expectations.”

Okay, I say. So, looking at these facts. What do you notice now?

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“Ughhhhhh. Fine…..I can see some data that my story about sucking at my job isn’t necessarily true. I can argue that there’s evidence to support the opposite… that I did… that I did do my job well. I’m also seeing big time how one of my core stories—I’m a failure—is using this layoff as fuel. It’s always been easy for me to find evidence for that story.”

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This client is an Enneagram Type 3. Supporting him to see his value beyond his work output has been a regular topic of exploration for us. I’m not surprised this core pattern is here, and I celebrate with him that he’s seeing it.

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He relaxes back into his chair. “Well… what’s here now is that I just feel heartbroken,” he says. “I really loved this team and the work we were doing.”

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I sit with him as he allows the waves of sadness to pass through. 

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The power of Facts vs Stories again reveals itself.

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When we’re caught in our stories, they seem as real as facts. But when we pause to separate the two, we often find the facts tell a different, more neutral story. Our minds create narratives that fuel fears and insecurities. However, when we focus on the facts, we make space for a new perspective—one grounded in reality instead of the stories we've been conditioned to believe. This shift helps us navigate challenges with clarity, compassion, and possibility.

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What stories are you telling yourself today?
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Further Resources

• Fact vs Story worksheet - Guide yourself to differentiate facts from story to get to the heart of an issue and discover how the opposite of your story may be as true.
• Fact vs Story video - Watch our co-founders role model how to distinguish facts from stories. This skill can fuel more efficient conversations and support the elimination of drama.
• Opposite of My Story (Byron Katie “The Work”) worksheet - What if the opposite of your story is at least as true? Use these simple steps to investigate your beliefs and free your mind.
• Opposite of My Story meditation - This meditation guides you through the work of Byron Katie and supports you in releasing your judgments as true.