June 19, 2025

Let the Body Lead: Why Feeling Comes Before Feedback

Before Calvin even opened his mouth, his body was already speaking.

Sitting in a circle of executives at his company’s annual retreat, preparing to give feedback, his hands trembled slightly. His chest buzzed. His stomach tightened. For months, he’d wanted to share a concern about turnover on another leader’s team—but every time he got close, his body would shut it down.

Now, surrounded by his peers and guided into presence, the moment had come. But still, the fear gripped him—not just the fear of being honest. The fear of feeling.

And that fear is what stops most leaders from speaking up.

‍

The Block Beneath the Block

In high-stakes environments, we often assume people avoid feedback because they want to keep the peace, or because they don’t want to offend.

But that’s rarely the root.

In my years as a somatic psychotherapist—and now as a coach at The Conscious Leadership Group—I’ve seen this again and again: the real fear isn’t the words. It’s the sensations. The racing heart. The burning face. The heaviness in the gut.

Most leaders don’t fear the feedback itself.
They fear what it will feel like to give it.

So at the retreat, before anyone spoke a word of feedback, we started somewhere else.

We started with the body.

‍

Why We Always Begin With Commitment #3

At CLG, we teach 15 Commitments that transform how leaders live, work, and relate. One of the most powerful—and misunderstood—is Commitment #3: Feeling Feelings.

Many people treat emotions like obstacles to work through. We treat them as data.

When we suppress our internal experience, we lose access to vital information. The body knows things before the mind does. If we want to move through stuck patterns—like avoiding hard conversations or staying silent when it matters—we have to feel our way through.

So before feedback, I asked each leader to slow down and notice:
Where am I feeling this in my body?
What does it want to do?

Then we let the body express: stomping, sighing, shaking, slumping—whatever it needed to complete the loop. This wasn’t a performance. It was completion.

We call it letting the body lead.

And something shifted.

Calvin didn’t suddenly become fearless. But he became present. The charge was still there—but he stopped resisting it. And from that grounded place, he was able to speak.

‍

What Happens When We Stop Avoiding Ourselves

The feedback landed.

The recipient didn’t deflect or defend. Calvin didn’t collapse or over-explain. He offered the truth with clarity and presence, and the truth was received.

Around the circle, one by one, each leader gave and received feedback. Some moments were tender. Others were tough. Emotions surged. But no one shut down.
The group stayed awake.
The room stayed alive.

This is what conscious leadership makes possible:
Not the absence of discomfort, but the ability to stay present inside it.And from that presence, to build something real—trust, clarity, connection.

‍

Even now, it’s still a practice for me.

I’ve practiced this work for years. I’ve led rooms like this dozens of times. And still, I’m not immune to the heat of feedback.

I remember sitting at dinner during our Integrity Boot Camp, where we asked participants to offer feedback to people they’d just met. One turned to me and said:

“I’d trust you more if you were messier.”

Oof. My belly churned. My face flushed. My chest tightened.

In the past, I might have defended. Smiled it off. Countered with evidence of all the ways I am messy.

But instead, I paused.
I felt.
I breathed.
And I let the sensations move.

The goal isn’t to not react. The goal is to stay present through the reaction—so that what emerges on the other side is more authentic, more connected, more alive.

‍

Four Pro Tips for Practicing Commitment #4: Candor

‍

If you’re ready to deepen your practice of honest, embodied feedback, here’s what we’ve learned:

1. Notice the Velcro
Feedback stings most when it touches something we secretly judge in ourselves. When something hits hard, get curious: What’s the judgment I already hold?

2. Don’t Rush to “Examples”
“Can you give me an example?” is often a subtle form of defense. Before you ask, spend 24 hours with the question: How might this be true?

3. Share the Projection Anyway
You don’t need to be “sure” your feedback is true to offer it. Conscious leaders name feedback and take responsibility for what might be projection. Both can be true.

4. Start with Co-Committed People
Practice with others who are also doing this work. And when you branch out to family, friends, or colleagues, ask: “Are you open to some feedback?” Then speak from presence, not performance.

‍