When Leaders Get Scared: The Hidden Nature of Fear in Leadership
Ask a room full of tenured executives if they experience fear, and most will shake their heads.
“I don’t get scared,” one leader told me recently. “I have hard conversations all the time. I just have a strong reaction when I see something that’s not right.”
As we dug deeper, that "strong reaction" looked like lashing out with criticism, being defensive, and a habit of working around people she perceived as obstacles. Without realizing it, the leader was reacting from fear, not strength. Once we reframed her behavior as fear in disguise, she could finally see what was really driving her- and the massive toll it took on her team.
This story isn’t rare.
Fear wears many masks in leadership: aggression, avoidance, perfectionism, indecision, and even excessive people-pleasing. Left unchecked, these unconscious behaviors erode trust, prevent alignment, and create unnecessary drama within teams. They exist in all of us because they stem from deeply wired survival responses in the nervous system.
Fear Is a Nervous System Response
Fear isn’t just an emotion; it’s a physiological response hardwired into our biology. When we perceive a threat, real or imagined, the amygdala (our brain’s alarm system) triggers a cascade of reactions designed to keep us safe. The body shifts into sympathetic arousal, releasing adrenaline and cortisol, elevating our heart rate, and narrowing our focus to immediate survival.
How Fear Shows Up in Leadership
Not sure how fear manifests in your leadership style? It often takes one of four forms:
- Fight (control & confrontation): Lashing out, micromanaging, or acting defensively
- Flight (avoidance & disengagement): Dodging tough conversations, delaying decisions, or keeping busy with distractions
- Freeze (paralysis & overwhelm): Feeling stuck, unable to decide, or shutting down emotionally
- Fawn (people-Pleasing & over-accommodation): Saying yes too often, avoiding conflict, and prioritizing approval over what’s best
In the earlier example, my client was clearly operating from a fight response. On the surface, she saw herself as a strong, no-nonsense leader. But underneath, she felt threatened. Her instinct was to protect herself by blaming others or working around them. This created fear in her team culture, and a decline in motivation and engagement. Some team members admitted they worried she would turn on them the moment something went wrong.
My Own Fawn Response in Leadership
Before becoming a coach, my default was fawn—especially in fast-paced, high-pressure environments. I said yes too often and avoided conflict to gain approval. This served me well early in life and even helped me thrive as a young professional. But as I grew into senior leadership roles, it started to cost me.
At one point, I was leading a creative team responsible for thousands of deliverables every quarter. Our role came in at the end of long, multi-phase timelines, and saying no felt impossible—even when it meant sacrificing nights, weekends, and the well-being of the team. Every project had demanding stakeholders who felt their goals were the most important. In this environment my fawn response was reflexive. Eighty to 100-hour workweeks became the norm and I found myself in an endless cycle of burnout I couldn’t get out of.
The key was finding a sustainable way to meet the demands of leadership. Over time, I learned to recognize the fawn pattern and consciously shift out of it. Instead of silencing my (very intelligent) instincts, I began asserting myself to align teams to priorities, respectfully challenging when needed, and communicating without fear of disapproval.
That simple shift—out of fear and into presence—radically changed my impact.
Everyone Has a Fear Pattern
No leader is immune to fear. At The Conscious Leadership Group, we like to say that roughly 90% of leaders are operating from below the line around 90% of the time.
That’s not a flaw— it’s human.
But leading from below the line (in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn) does limit your capacity to collaborate, create, and lead. This is because when responding to threat, our ability to access higher cognitive functions like reasoning and problem-solving are greatly reduced as our attention narrows towards immediate danger. These fear-based patterns evolved to protect us from physical harm. But in modern workplaces, they often trigger reactive behaviors that corrode culture and connection.
The goal isn’t to eliminate fear. The goal is to become conscious of it.
Shifting Gears: How To Use Fear From Above The Line
Great leaders don’t avoid fear. They recognize it.
When they go below the line, they notice it. They recognize their fight, flight, freeze, or fawn patterns and pause to interrupt them. From there, they accept that fear is present without making it a problem. By moving through fear with acceptance, they are able to shift into a state of curiosity and presence.
After working with my client, she realized her ability to move head-first into conflict was a strength when used with awareness. She learned to pause when she felt self-righteous or wanted to blame. She shifted from a toxic fight to what we call “loving pressure”—a firm but open stance.
Instead of working around people, she started working with them—asking more questions, listening more deeply, and creating trust.
From Reactivity to Conscious Leadership: How to Shift
As leaders we’re constantly facing the unknown. Because of this it’s not a matter of if, but when fear will arise. If you want to shift from reactive fear to intelligent fear to make better decisions, here are a few tips:
- Shift from Fight Response to Loving Challenge: Instead of attacking or controlling, conscious leaders understand the benefits of pressure to drive productive conversations. They know how to be assertive and constructive while staying curious and open to collaboration.
- Shift from Flight Response to Strategic Reflection: Rather than avoiding, leaders in presence know when to step away with purpose. They communicate the need to use time apart with intention. They strategize and return with clarity and readiness to more directly face rather than avoid.
- Shift from Freeze Response to Thoughtful Action: Instead of getting stuck in a freeze response, conscious leaders create intentional moments of pause. They use these moments to reflect and clarify their thinking, then make better decisions with greater confidence.
- Shift from Fawn Response to Boundaried Collaboration: Leading from above the line looks like balancing diplomacy, empathy AND clarity. Conscious leaders know that saying yes to everything will only dilute our impact.
Ready to Shift Your Relationship with Fear?
Here are a few core practices:
- Locate Yourself: Are you above the line (curious, open, present) or below the line (reactive, defensive, closed off)? Simply noticing this creates an opening for change.
- Identify The Threat: What feels most at threat to your ego: approval, control or security? Understanding the threat helps you separate the instinctive fear response from reality.
- Recognize Your Threat Pattern: Are you in fight, flee, freeze, or fawn? Spotting your pattern interrupts the automatic response.
- Acknowledge and Allow Fear in The Body: Fear isn’t weakness—it’s information. Welcome the sensation of fear in the body in order to accept and then process the fear. Engage in practices that shift your nervous system from threat to safety—conscious breath, movement, and even simply pausing to observe yourself as long as you need. These can help fear move through the body so it no longer controls you.
- Get Curious: Ask yourself: “What is my fear inviting me to notice or pay attention to?” or “What does my fear want me to learn here?”
Fear-Aware Leaders Build Stronger Teams
At The Conscious Leadership Group, we don’t teach leaders to suppress fear.
We teach them to befriend it.
When leaders acknowledge fear, they build trust. They navigate complexity with more agility. They create cultures where innovation and authenticity flourish.
Conscious leaders don’t deny fear—and they don’t let it control them.
They lead with it. Not in spite of fear, but because of it.
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