Seeking approval, control, and security from within (Commitment 11). The opposite of this commitment is a close definition of a sex and love addict. Addicts need the approval of a relationship, a new car, a bigger balance sheet, anything external to prove they are worthy. When I rest in the knowledge that I am already enough, many sufferings melt away.
Conscious listening (Commitment 4). This has been particularly helpful in my relationship with my fiancé and with my daughter. Leading the merging of families is very similar to leading a team of people in the work environment. One of my favorite stories is a time my fiancé and her son were in an argument and I intervened to guide them through a process of listening and reflecting. A few months later her son was teaching his girlfriend to use the clearing model and was practicing conscious listening himself.
Feeling my feelings all the way through (Commitment 3). Before I got into recovery I was very used to running away from my feelings instead of feeling them all the way through to completion. It took me many months of practice to begin to feel my feelings and stay with them. I remember practicing just feeling sensations, like the fabric of my socks on my feet as I did a walking meditation. Gradually, I developed the skill of feeling my feelings and stopped masking or numbing them with external stimuli.
Speaking candidly (Commitment 4). I used to withhold thoughts or feedback from others, fearing that I’d hurt their feelings or they wouldn’t like me. What I’ve discovered is the more I speak my truth (and hold it lightly) the more they respect and appreciate my candor.
